Well actually, I’m not such a happy bunny as I made out in my last post. I was yesterday when I got my changing bag, but that was still a few hours beforeithappened. Last night I had one of my worst nightmares come true. And as a mother, your worst nightmare is of course when something happens to your children.
This time, it was Jacob.
I was stood in the kitchen about six thirty, making dinner. Both the boys were in the front room with Lister. I call List to come help me make the mash (i’m rubbish at the instant mash) and he did. So Lewis, out of habit follows us, with Jacob. Even if he knows he’s not supposed to pick Jacob up. We have told him so many times that if something should happen, Jake could be seriously hurt. So I was stood cooking sausauges and List the mash. I see Lewis come carrying Jacob and I tell him to go back in the front room and put him down. That was the most stupid thing I could have done. Lewis turns around and stumbles.
I screamed, because I saw it happen and dropped everything. Jacob was in hysterics and Lewis was constantly apologizing. In those few seconds a thousand thoughts went through my head. Jacob had a huge dent in his head, right by the soft spot! It was a propper, deep dent. Looking around I see what Lewis dropped Jacob on, it was the corner of one of the plugsockets in the wall! I expected any minute to see blood everywhere. I was so terrified! I thought the absolute worst. For two seconds I thought I might have lost him. That he could have a broken skull, permanent brain damage and so on. We’re out of the door and on the way to A&E (Accident & Emergency) in literally about two minutes! We saw the dent in his head and made a split decision. It would be faster driving up there ourselfs rather than calling an ambulance. By the time the ambulance would have arrived we would have been half way up there anyway. I’m not going to lie, Lister was speeding more than half the way. But it was for our little Jakie. We were so afraid! I was switching between silently weeping to myself and keeping Jacobs attention. He was such a little trooper. After he had been crying for about 5 minutes straight when he hit his head, he seemed fine, like he was done and over with it. I on the other hand.. But I kept myself together when I was trying to comfort him. On the way to the A&E he was very sick once and then he was fine, but we were so afraid to let him sleep. When we got there we got seen within 10 minutes. They didnt think he was seriously injured, but still wanted to have a closer look so we were told to keep him up and wait.
They had an approximate 3 hour wait, which felt like ages. Jacob got alot of smiles and compliment for being a cheerful little soul from the other unfortunates in the A&E. I just couldnt stop worring about him tho. It was like someone had gotten ahold of my heart with an iron claw and kept squeezing. I have never had larger or darker bags under my eyes.
In the end we got seen, and they told us everything was fine. Take him home, give him some food and let him sleep.
We got home at about 10.30 pm and were exhausted. I cant put into word all the feelings and emotions that went through our body and mind. You think, but you dont. Your brain is like autopilot and shuts out all the “holy-shit-panic” part of your brain. He was fine this time, but it has made me see things in a new light. See him in a new light. Today I have loved him more and appreciated him more. Seen him more. And I didnt think it was possible to love him any more than I already do. We didnt come close to losing him, but my brain had two seconds to actually think that. And I could not bare to lose him. It feels like I would cease to exist.
His head is fine now. It does not have a dent in it anymore. Hes got a nice bruice and a lump, but no dent and he doesnt seem to think any of it. My poor little love. Lewis now understands the seriousness of carrying him around and swore he would never do so again. It could have been such a very expencive lesson to learn..